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Most newly dating couples would agree that STD testing is an important prerequisite to entering into a physical relationship. In fact, according to a PregameSTDTesting.com dating and STD testing survey, 82.8% of respondents said it was ‘extremely’ or ‘very important’ that a partner had been tested recently before becoming sexually active.
Yet, despite the majority stating how crucial testing is, it can still feel awkward to bring up. Below, you’ll learn about some of the most common reasons why it can be so uncomfortable and strategies for navigating the conversation.
Fear of Judgment
You don’t yet know your new potential spouse all that well, and yet you’re about to discuss something deeply personal with them. It’s only natural to be scared about judgment and how you’ll be perceived after bringing up STD testing in a conversation.
Many people worry that discussing STDs will make them seem untrusting, suspicious, or promiscuous. Some people also worry that the person they ask will feel as though they’ve done something wrong.
These aren’t uncommon feelings. In the dating and STD testing survey, 35.2% of respondents said concerns about judgment had made them avoid or delay getting STD testing. Another 45.6% also said that they would be ‘very’ or ‘somewhat’ worried about judgment from others if they knew they were getting STD testing.
Concerns Surrounding Rejection
Discussing sexual health and managing the topics of importance within that category can be particularly worrisome for those who are concerned about how their new partner may react. There can be a fear of rejection if one partner has had multiple previous partners.
You or your partner may also be worried about how you’ll be perceived if there has been a past infection, or you haven’t undertaken recent testing. There can be a great deal of concern about rejection when the relationship is new and trust and connection have yet to be truly built.
Perceiving Testing As a Sign of Mistrust
Asking your love interest whether they have had a recent STD test or would consider getting one is a responsible question to ask. It reflects mutual health and responsible communication, but that’s not always how it feels.
Being asked that question can feel personal or accusatory, as if you’re the only love interest that’s being asked that and for a particular reason. Sometimes, people misinterpret the request for STD testing as a sign of mistrust.
Limited Sexual Health Education
Think back to your sexual health classes in an educational setting, and you likely recall how uncomfortable they could be. For many, that feeling of discomfort doesn’t change. Many adults were never taught how to discuss sexual health openly. As a result, they may know how crucial STD testing is, but aren’t sure how to have direct conversations about it.
Stigmas Surrounding STDs
There are hundreds of millions of new cases of STDs every year, which equates to more than one million every day. With those numbers, discussions should be routine and familiar. However, they’re still not. Despite their commonality, stigma surrounding these diseases and testing for them still exists. As a result, even the most routine conversations can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable.
Uncertainty of Timing
It can feel as though there’s never the right time to discuss STD testing. If you bring it up too early, you might feel as though you’re presuming where the relationship is going before it has even reached that point. If you bring it up too late, you might worry that it will kill the mood or, ultimately, the relationship. There can be a great deal of anxiety around timing, and this can make it harder for many people to simply ask a question.
How to Bring Up STD Testing in Conversation
You now know why many people find it so uncomfortable and awkward to discuss STDs, so it’s time to learn how to do it:
- Time it right: Bring it up before sexual activity, not in the heat of the moment, when the situation is undoubtedly headed in that direction. Don’t wait until STD testing has the potential to be a ‘mood killer.’
- Use ‘we’ language: According to the PregameSTDTesting.com dating and STD testing survey, 38.4% of recipients had avoided asking a partner about STD testing because they worried it would feel accusatory. That may be less of an issue if you approach the subject with ‘we’ language. Say, ‘I think we should get tested,’ rather than ‘you.’
- Share your own status first: Don’t make STD testing feel one-sided, as this is how the other partner can feel as though you don’t trust them. Share your own testing status and open the conversation with it, such as: ‘I was tested recently and wanted to talk about sexual health before we move forward in our relationship.’
- Normalize testing: If you’re openly discussing other health information with your love interest, be as open about sexual health. The discomfort for both parties may subside when it’s included in a wider conversation.
There’s no denying that discussions surrounding sexual health and STD testing can be uncomfortable, but they can certainly be worthwhile. These conversations can help build trust, open the lines of communication, and be a sign of maturity and respect.